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Something is wrong here.
I can feel it.
I just can’t put my finger on
exactly what it is.
I feel my eyebrows move.
I think it over and I wonder.
I look around me,
but no one else moves.
No one says a thing.
So, I tell myself it’s okay.
It’s just me.
I worry too much anyway.
I always have.
I need to just get over it.
Just because it’s not how
I would do it,
Doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
But this doesn’t seem right.
I never did think this was okay,
but I guess I should start now,
because that’s the way it is.
I need to swim with the current.
Don’t make things hard.
Don’t rock the boat.
No one likes that.
No one likes naysayers,
or haters,
or strict rule-followers,
or people who make shit complicated.
Just do it.
Just go with the flow.
It’s not that bad anyway.
Lots of people do this.
I’m sure of it.
I mean I think so.
That’s how this system works.
I guess I want it to be
something it’s not, that’s all.
I need to let that go.
People aren’t perfect, you know.
I just expect too much.
I tell myself
a thousand lies.
I justify it all.
I shove my feelings down.
Over and over again.
My poor conscience
must have a big bump
on top of her head
from being pounded down
so many times.
Something is wrong here.
I can feel it.
I still can’t pinpoint it though.
So, I deny my own voice.
Then one day it happens.
The curtain gets pulled back.
That old bruised up conscience says,
“Enough is enough.”
This time it’s too far.
Too much.
I have to listen to her now.
I have no choice.
She’s burst out of the cage
that I put her in,
and she ain’t about to go back inside it.
She tried to tell me a hundred times,
But I wouldn’t listen.
I told her to shut up.
I lied to her.
I told her she was wrong.
But she was right.
Something WAS wrong,
and I DID feel it.
My body paid the price.
My heart paid the price.
My mind paid the price.
My faith paid the price.
Of the lies I told myself.
Never again.