May 24

I stood up for me
I stood up for you
That’s all I did
And look where it got me

Denial and deflection
Gaslighting and guilt tripping
I’m lost and confused
I’m in a swirl of cruel words and arrogant smirks

All my heart was here
Can’t you see?
Everything has turned into nothing

God’s Word is used as a weapon
Yep, it’s a sword alright
And the cut goes deep

Cold, empty, unfamiliar eyes glare at me menacingly
His only goal is to win

There is no mercy in this room
There is no compassion in this room
There is no grace in this room
There is no understanding in this room

I feel like I’m out of my body
I see myself sitting at that table
I don’t even recognize myself
A once smiling, joyful servant
Has turned into a shell of a person
I’ve just been through so much

I look at myself with compassion for once
And I’m apparently the only one who does
My “friends” are sitting right there
But they’re blind to my cause
I’m invisible to them

They’ll let this immature bullying slide
Like it’s not really happening
I wonder if they know
One day it may be their turn

For now, they stare down at the table
Like loyal robots
Does no one here have any courage?
My God!

And then I hear His voice
Speaking gently to my heart
“That is not your shepherd.”

Shepherds don’t hurt their people
Shepherds don’t use their people
Shepherds don’t bully their people
Shepherds don’t humiliate their people
Shepherds don’t discard their people
That is NOT my shepherd

My True Shepherd loves me
And sees me
And knows me
And comes after me
And finds me
And opens His arms to me
And accepts me
And comforts me
And reassures me
And holds me
And values me
My True Shepherd, Jesus

On May 24th He called me out of an unhealthy space
He loosened the chains
And gave me permission to leave
He released me from burdens
From obligatory servitude
From blind loyalty
From false relationship

I don’t belong to them
I belong to Him