Exhausted

It is when you’re empty
That you finally get it
You know you have nothing left
You know it’s not dependent on anything you can do
You know you can’t save yourself

When your steps become so heavy
When the smile is forced
When you catch yourself taking deep breaths all day long

You wonder if anyone notices your sighs
These aren’t angry sighs, no…
You just need to feel yourself breathe
And then you close your eyes for a moment
Just to pause for a second and convince yourself to go on

To just keep walking through life
There’s nothing more that you can do
You can’t try any harder
And you’re just so tired
You’ve tried it all, done it all
But there’s nothing more for you to do
Because actually, nothing you do works anyway

It’s only Jesus now
As it always should have been
He’s all you’ve got left
The only card you have left to play
Only He can help you now
You have to let Him carry you
You’ve heard that all your life
But what does that mean exactly?

You’ve prayed all the right words
You’ve “let go”
(Whatever that means)
You’ve sang your heart out
You’ve read the Word
You’ve served your butt off
You’ve done all the stuff they say to do
So why don’t you feel peace?

Here’s something to try
Go put your bare feet in the grass, feel it, be still, and remember that He created it
Then close your eyes and just breathe
Think about Jesus and how while He was on His way to do something big, He always stopped

That woman at the well, He stopped for her
That blind beggar, He stopped for him
That woman who grabbed his shirt, He stopped for her

That’s right
He never passed people by
Because they were His most important mission
You are His most important mission
Close your eyes and picture Him stopping for you
Making time for you
Seeing you
Knowing you
Having compassion on you
Because it’s the truth of who He is

He knows your mistakes
And he’s seen your weak moments
He knows how hard you try
And how exhausted you are
He knows how much you’ve been through
He knows your regrets
He knows how much sorrow you carry
He knows about the flashbacks
He knows about the sleepless nights
He knows about the images you can’t get out of your mind

He knows about the miracle you prayed for…
That didn’t happen
He knows about your hopes and dreams…
That never came to pass

And somehow, knowing that He knows
Is enough
The God that created this universe, the mountains, the butterflies, and us
He knows us
And He cares for us
And that’s enough

It doesn’t make everything easy
It doesn’t make the pain go away
It won’t bring them back
But it’s enough
There’s nothing more peaceful than being fully known, accepted, and loved right in the space you’re in.
And not having to do anything at all to earn it.